Cuffed, Tied and Satisfied: How Bring 50 Shades of Gray into your Sex Life Without the Stupid Bits.

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(given as an ARC by NetGalley)
Author: Jaiya
Publishing House:
Harmony
208 pages
Publication: 17th June 2014
Review written by Lady EntropyAre you ready to expand your sexual boundaries? If you’ve ever fantasized about being taken by your man, dreamed of playing with handcuffs, ropes, and paddles, or been turned on by the thought of wickedly wielding power over your lover, you’ve found the right book!Award-winning Sexologist and author Jaiya will be your Mistress in this fun-to-read handbook that will transform your sex life. CUFFED, TIED, AND SATISFIED leads the kink novice and pro alike on a shame-free personal journey to sexual empowerment, including your full plan for safely playing on the edge, setting boundaries, and communicating with your partner about your deepest, darkest, untapped desires.

I like to read something weird for Valentine’s every year (something connected to romance, but, at the same time, weird), and when I saw this book being offered on NetGalley, I knew I had found this year’s choice.This book is surprisingly better than I expected it to be, even if the “do it yourself” manual of the second part wasn’t as interesting to me as the first part.Now, I am not an expert, by any stretch of the imagination, in BDSM. All my knowledge comes from either my own research, or my contact with friends who are involved in such a lifestyle, and who patiently answer my questions on the topic. So, this book hit the right spot, because I already managed to understand quite a lot of the concepts (I’m not sure how someone with no connection with the world would fare, though). It still felt a calm, easy read, who tries to help people alleviate any guilty for wishing to indulge in different sexuality and give them tips and tools to discover themselves.The first part was my favourite, where the studies on the why and how are presented, and frankly the part I read more attentively. I was amused by two things:

– Mention of a Dom called Master Eragon (who apparently is a real person: http://mastereragon.com) because, c’mon, who could take seriously someone who took the very unique name of the protagonist of a really crappy (but well known) fantasy series? This is in the lines of Mistress Hermione, or Master Bobba Fett.

– How defensive some people in the lifestyle seem to be about explaining the “why people feel turned on by non-vanilla sex”. The author remarked how several times she was told there was no point in trying to explain the why people are into it, just “enjoy it”. I happen to disagree. I really like to know the why. The same why I am fascinated how a clock works, why the earth spins and so on. Sure, a working clock is no less useful even if I don’t know why it works, but it doesn’t mean there isn’t a point (and a fascinating one at that) to it. I think it’s basically because these people never really came up with an explanation that satisfies them (or maybe because different people have different reasons), so they tried to justify it.

The second part studied “sub-types” and held the “How-Tos” and “beginners guide to_______” *insert your kink here* for the simpler (discipline, bondage, etc) disciplines of the BDSM. I can see it being incredibly useful, but it held less interest to me, because I had no willing partner at the time to test things on (maybe a good thing, since I read quite a lot of this book at bus stops). It seemed solidly made and had interesting ideas. I might have one of my BDSM friends read it to get a more informed opinion

All it all, while it wasn’t a “light” read, it was an interesting and informative one, and, while I was moderately disappointed at the mentions of 50 Shades of Gray (a book that bored me to tears and had extremely unsexy BDSM scenes, clearly written by someone who knew little of it), I can’t entirely fault it, because, whether we like it or not, 50 Shades opened the path to more understanding about alternative sex practices.

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