Worst books read in 2013

Untitled-1Choosing the best from the best is a difficult job, but to choose among 140 books those who drove you insane is even worse. It’s time for the worst books read in the year of 2013 in Portuguese or in English.

Shakespeare vs. Lovecraft: A Horror Comedy Mash-Up featuring Shakespeare’s Characters and Lovecraft’s Creatures

Shakespeare versus Lovecraft is not a classic fight, but maybe that was the entire book’s appeal. Unfortunately writing like Shakespeare is not for everyone and what could be a fantastic story got lost in something strange with a clashing of writing styles. Maybe next time it is better to put Lovecraft versus Jules Verne and see if the pouple can defeat Cthulhu in an epic fight.

Before I Leave London Today

Don’t let the title fool you, this fanfiction was published in Portuguese by a fan girl of One direction’s band. It is basically the wet dreams of many girls coming true, the entire crew of the band falls in love with the protagonist and her female friends almost instantly. Even though we encourage young people to write, don’t make us pay 14€ for your adolescent dreams. Publish them for free online and we may like you a little more.
This book is so bad it received disapproval from both of us: Adeselna and Lady Entropy!

Estrada para o Céu (Strairway to Heaven)

What is worse than an Historical novel filled with historical mistakes? Nothing! Nothing is worse than a regular person reading an Historical novel and realize that you know more than the person who wrote this book… So yes maybe I knew a little bit more due to my research for two years of Portuguese History of the 18th century, however the quick pace of the story, the exaggerated drama and of course, the happy ending coming from nowhere remind us that this is really just a bad Mexican soap opera disguised as a Historical novel.

O Mundo Proibido de Daniel V. (The Forbidden world of Daniel V.)

You think you are happy when you read 50 shades of Grey and you think: I am safe, nothing will harm me, I will never read anything worse than this! And then Mrs. Castro proves us wrong and crushes our hopes and dreams.
If you think Grey is an asshole and you want to shoot him, you may want to save some bullets for Daniel. Daniel is a scumbag, a douchbag whatever floats your boat, he is married but cheats constantly on his wife (with her approval, of course), he has sex with Verónica in their first meeting at his office and he has no respect for her. So we get that Grey is an obsessive son of a bitch, but at least he cares, in his own obsessive way, about Ana. Daniel doesn’t care, he tosses Veronica, he threatens her and so on. Verónica is a hundred times worse than Anastacia, because well Ana was in her twenties and she was kissed once, so you get that she may be a little derp, but Veronica was married and she is in her thirties… Why the hell does she act like a twenty years old virgin, we will really never understand. Plus, even though she had sexual intercourse with many guys, she never orgasmed, however the first time she literally shags with Daniel, of course she had to have the “greatest orgasm in my life”… Well honey considering you never did it before, I don’t consider it safe to make that statement. Pity that the author said in an interview that her book was so much better than 50 shades of Grey when it’s in fact 100x worse… Oh sweet cruel irony!

This book is so bad it received disapproval from both of us: Adeselna and Lady Entropy!

O túmulo de Camões (Camões tomb)

You see a cover, you read the synopsis, you open the book… It has nothing to do with bloody Camões! You are disappointed but keep reading, until there’s a rape scene in the middle of nowhere that miraculously turns a lesbian character into a hetero one… And you think: what the hell does that have to do with Camões? Wish I bloody knew…

Death blow

Nice opening, confusing middle… Bad ending, very bad ending. A piece of advice to all writers, don’t make your male character an asshole at the beginning and then turn him into something sweet only because you want the female character to love him. Also don’t turn your female character weak so the male can shine with all his almighty strength. Use their strength to make something good, don’t turn one character into something else suddenly for plot convenience.

Amy Mah Vampire

Amy Mah is a riot, but she desperately needs an editor. This book reads like a first draft fresh out of NaNoWriMo: jumping between character POVs, no plot, no antagonists. It’s just event after event, feeling all a bit thrown there hapzardly.

The Vampire Shrink

Average setting, idealized main character that everyone wants to fuck but thinks she’s nothing special and that all females hate secretly, vampires mixed with Wiccanism, way too perfect love interest (to the point I don’t like him) not enough to make me want to pick this collection again.

The Dark Heroine

While I do know this is a 16 year old who wrote it, I am not inflating the grade for it. She is talented, don’t get me wrong, and she will write very well if she trains and learns to do so.
But this is still worse than Twilight, as far as Teen Vamp\Human romance goes.
The “main plot” (and the whole thing with the Dark Heroines) is crowbared in at the end and feels like an afterthought, the romance is boring and unbelievable (he kidnaps her, she hates him, then saves her from being raped and suddenly he’s her TWU wuuuve”.

The Existence

It started as a solid 4 stars. The characters were human! They had depth! The bitchy blond cheerleader actually had problems at home! The Jock\1st Part of the Love Triangle was actually a smart guy struggling with a handicap! The heroine was wrong in her judgements and admitted it! There were no very obvious cliques! The local rich bitch was actually best friends with the rather nerdy heroine!
It was awesomely different!
And then…then Drank\Death comes in. And everything is ruined as we’re dragged into an annoying copy of Twilight. Of course the main character falls totally in love with him, even if it’s contrived. And, of course, to make sure that the love interest isn’t beat in awesomeness by the Jock (who’s much more awesome than him) he has to be a goddamn rock star.

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